Why I can’t go to funerals


This is definitely a topic I never thought I’d be blogging about but it has definitely been on my mind so maybe it’s time I got it out. I have never been comfortable going to funerals. It’s actually something I really just can’t do anymore and a lot of people in my life just don’t get it. I am very aware that it all stems from my childhood. When I was six or seven for whatever reason my grandmother, who is very religious, took me to the funeral of a young woman who went to her church. She was probably in her early twenties and the funeral was open casket. I was way too young to even begin to process or cope with something like that. I remember thinking I just wanted her to wake up and everybody else acted like this was all normal! Some people were even smiling and laughing with one another! To this day I can still vividly remember the young woman’s face.
Fast forward about 9 years, I am in high school and a classmate of mine had a horrible tragic accident. He was found with a gun by his mother and there was a struggle for the gun. It went off and shot the mother. My friend then shot himself thinking he had killed his mom. She ended up being ok. That funeral was one of the hardest things I have ever had to witness. By the time I graduated I had been to two more funerals of my classmates, both died in car accidents. One of those cars also had my friend’s mom inside so their family lost a mom and a child. It was that day I decided I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t remember any of the good things anymore.. All I remember is the funerals.
After I graduated I lost another good friend and I decided that this time I was not going to go to the services and I’m glad I didn’t. I remember him exactly the way he was.

photo by me

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