MAJOR MOM MELTDOWN. Thoughts of wandering

I literally almost had a heart attack today…like a serious, FULL-ON, major mom meltdown in my front yard.

My son had a field trip and I got so worried and frazzled about him all day that somehow I forgot that he would be home late and he wouldn’t be riding the bus home like normal. When the bus came I was standing outside waiting as usual and I didn’t see him. He didn’t get off the bus! He wasn’t there! ….I’ll just say extreme panic attack would’ve be an understatement. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see.. it felt like I had been run over by a Mac truck. In a matter of seconds a thousand things flashed through my mind, all the most horrible scenarios I have or could have ever imagined.

**Oh my god! Oh my god no! Is my baby okay?!!! Did he run? Please, please baby tell me you didn’t run!! He was out of town, everything is unfamiliar to him! Is he okay? Is he by himself? Is he hurt?! Is he scared?! Please please pleeeease god let him be okay!!!!**

At that point I was screaming at the busdriver, ” WHERE IS BUG??!!!” She said to call the school so I threw my arms up feeling helpless, ran back to my house, tears streaming down my face, and dialed up the school to THANKFULLY find out that Bug was perfectly safe and he wasn’t even back from the field trip yet.


I almost peed myself and passed out simultaneously. I have NEVER been so scared in my entire life.
As of this morning I had never had not even one gray hair on my head. I’d be willing to bet there’s fifty now.

I am so grateful for my beautiful, amazing child. Words cannot even describe. When I finally saw him I hugged him like I’d never let him go.

My heart has been heavy over the story of Avonte Oquendo, This sweet boy from Queens NY is STILL missing! He was last seen on Oct. 4 walking out of a school in Queens. The reward for Avonte’s safe return is up to nearly $90,000. Police ask anyone with information to call the police TIPS hot line.

– I hate to have to add this part. I do so with a very heavy heart :( I do not wish to blog about what happened to Avonte but I will provide a link to those of you who have followed his story. Rip sweet boy.


Here are some VERY important wandering/elopement links. Feel free to share this page!!


Autism and Safety Facts

SafetyNet by LoJack

Caregiver Checklist

Big Red Safety Box

Project Lifesaver

QR Code ID system for Wanderers

Fencing For Autism

Wandering-Video for First Responders

YMCA’s across the country that provide special needs swimming lessons



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5 thoughts on “MAJOR MOM MELTDOWN. Thoughts of wandering

  1. Jenn says:

    This just made me cry. I have issues with anxiety, and yesterday while waiting for Nicole’s bus, I had this thought that she wasn’t on the bus. I started freaking out little by little as it got later and later and the bus wasn’t there. In the distance I could here sirens. Clearly there was an accident. I kept telling myself to stay calm and that the sirens were not in the direction that her bus would be.
    Two minutes later bus 57 came down the road, and as always Nicole got off and had sang the entire way home. I think Avonte’s disappearance has me so overwhelmed right now. I wake thinking of him and his family, and think of them at least 20 times a day.
    Our children our are LIFE. Thank God there was no danger Ashley. Sending you a hug. I so get it. <3

  2. Beauty is Everywhere says:

    Yes I think poor little Avonte has me on edge, even more than usual. I have major anxiety too! I’ve read that autism moms have ptsd..I believe that whole-hearted-ly. I think every mom worries like crazy but for special needs parents it’s on a whole other level! <3

  3. jacquieandthebox says:

    I think like you just said, we (special needs parents) worry in a whole other level!.
    Every day I wondered about how my daughter was doing at school, field trips made me so nervous. At first I tried to go to every single one of them, but then having other children it was hard! I understand you completely.
    Once she ran on me while on a birthday party and I couldn’t find her… those were the longest 5 minutes of my life! Thank God she was safe! Thank God your son was safe!

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