The haircut from HELL.


I just wanted to give my kid a haircut.

Bug’s hair was gettin’ pretty crazy so I decided I needed to get the buzzers out and give the kid a haircut tonight before people start to figure out I’m a hot mess over here. And don’t you be a snitch and tell on me after reading this or any of my other posts! Oh hell, who am I fooling? They know. They ALL know. Hehe. Any-who, I got a towel and got everything prepared in the bathroom for this haircut to go down. I grabbed the buzzers out of the drawer and noticed I was going to have to clean them before I could start on Bug’s hair. Great. They’re my husband’s buzzers and he never cleans them. Yes honey, I totally just ratted you out. Sorry, all in the name of accuracy, ya know?

So this is where everything went downhill and things started to go very very wrong. I was standing over the toilet using a bobby pin to pull the lodged hairs out of the inside of the clippers. As I was doing this I pulled the blade thingy off the clipper head and


That B*itch fell straight in the toilet! I got ready to yell for my hubby and quickly came to my senses and stopped myself. We’ve been married for almost 13 years, I KNEW he’d never let me live this one down. I had to figure that sh*t out, and FAST! I knew I sure as hell wasn’t sticking my hand in there so I looked through my makeup drawer for some sort of tool that would save my A$$! I found an old makeup brush that I thought might be long enough to slide the blade up with and sure enough it was!! I got it out of the toilet and sanitized the ever living sh*t out of that sucker!


So then after THAT whole fiasco, I finally got started on the actual mission at hand, freaking cutting this kids crazy mop! I started out where I always do, right by each of his ears. After I was two swipes in I thought to myself, “Shit! I forgot the hair length clippy on thingy!” So I got the length clippy on thingy and put it on the buzzers and finished his hair.

The poor kid had two super short, and very noticeable, spots by each of his ears. So then I thought to myself, “Ok Ash, don’t panic! You can just go around the rest of the bottom of his head without the clippy thingy and even it out. That just might work!”.

It totally didn’t work.

He then had a bad version of a bowl cut going on. So my next thought was maybe I could just blend it all out. Yea, I thought wrong. About an hour into this sh*t show I said f$ck it and just buzzed his whole head!

P.S. He loves it! Bam. Where’s my drink? And my pillow? I need a nap!



Stuff like this happens to me all the time! Did you hear about the time I mooned my neighbors? ;)


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