People, in general, have never understood the way that I think and/or operate in life, love, parenting, my writing, and a variety of other areas people tend to pick apart in late night phonecalls and over lunch convos with their besties. Growing up an eclectic, free spirited, wide eyed girl in a small sleepy town, I always felt the need to explain myself and my thought process to the people that didn’t understand me. At some point though, I realized that there is a particular type of person that will just never get it, or me, and I am slowly learning that I have to be okay with that. Truth is, I will probably never get them either.
There are two types of individuals in my mind; the ones who go with the flow and the ones who don’t.
Basically, I’m the type who relishes and thrives on the things in this short life that make me smile and spending all of my spare time emersing myself in the things that I love to do. Although I find it completely necessary for myself and my well-being, this has proven to be a hard concept for some people to comprehend.
I often pay a price for the way I live, sometimes it’s a steep one, but can you really put a price on pure and true fulfillment and happiness? I think not. I’ve make a lot of sacrifices over the years to do these things I love to do and to feel these feelings I love to feel, but to me, it’s all well worth it to fill up my soul’s tank and feel at peace within myself, regardless of what that looks like to anyone on the outside.
A lot of peeps don’t get why I can’t just ‘go with the flow’. Well, the truth is, I hate the damned flow. Always have, always will. I wanna see what’s going on the other way, the way that everyone else isn’t going, the way that has a big invisible sign that says ‘Proceed with caution!’. I feel like something fabulously fantastic is hiding there and I want to be the one to find it.
In my humble opinion, the biggest downside to going against the grain, (and you knew damn well there was a downside), is that is you’re gonna go it alone more often than not. You just have to learn to be okay with that if you’re planning on swimming upstream. Everything that is truly great in life comes with a cost.
With age, I’m learning it’s all a delicate balancing act, and I’ve also learned my balance totally sucks at times. Hell, who am I kidding? I have no damned balance whatsoever, but maybe that’s okay after all. Maybe we aren’t all good at balancing. Maybe tripping through life isn’t all bad. Maybe we need some clumsey chaos and mayhem to juxtapose all of the perfectly perfect perfection and balance.
Much love, Rockin Mom