Going against the flow


People, in general, have never understood the way that I think and/or operate in life, love, parenting, my writing, and a variety of other areas people tend to pick apart in late night phonecalls and over lunch convos with their besties. Growing up an eclectic, free spirited, wide eyed girl in a small sleepy town, I always felt the need to explain myself and my thought process to the people that didn’t understand me. At some point though, I realized that there is a particular type of person that will just never get it, or me, and I am slowly learning that I have to be okay with that. Truth is, I will probably never get them either.

There are two types of individuals in my mind; the ones who go with the flow and the ones who don’t.

Basically, I’m the type who relishes and thrives on the things in this short life that make me smile and spending all of my spare time emersing myself in the things that I love to do. Although I find it completely necessary for myself and my well-being, this has proven to be a hard concept for some people to comprehend.

I often pay a price for the way I live, sometimes it’s a steep one, but can you really put a price on pure and true fulfillment and happiness? I think not. I’ve make a lot of sacrifices over the years to do these things I love to do and to feel these feelings I love to feel, but to me, it’s all well worth it to fill up my soul’s tank and feel at peace within myself, regardless of what that looks like to anyone on the outside.

A lot of peeps don’t get why I can’t just ‘go with the flow’. Well, the truth is, I hate the damned flow. Always have, always will. I wanna see what’s going on the other way, the way that everyone else isn’t going, the way that has a big invisible sign that says ‘Proceed with caution!’. I feel like something fabulously fantastic is hiding there and I want to be the one to find it.

In my humble opinion, the biggest downside to going against the grain, (and you knew damn well there was a downside), is that is you’re gonna go it alone more often than not. You just have to learn to be okay with that if you’re planning on swimming upstream. Everything that is truly great in life comes with a cost.

With age, I’m learning it’s all a delicate balancing act, and I’ve also learned my balance totally sucks at times. Hell, who am I kidding? I have no damned balance whatsoever, but maybe that’s okay after all. Maybe we aren’t all good at balancing. Maybe tripping through life isn’t all bad. Maybe we need some clumsey chaos and mayhem to juxtapose all of the perfectly perfect perfection and balance.


Much love, Rockin Mom



Along the way I’ve learned that many times,
the ones who feel unloved show the most love.
The ones who aren’t cared for are the ones who care the most.
The uncomforted are the most comforting.
The souls filled with sadness spend their days trying to fill others with happiness.
The broken try to help others heal.

Many times, we seek out what we desperately need for ourselves by giving it to someone else.


Much love, Rockin Mom

Life juxtaposed.

It’s been a while since I’ve really sat down and painted my mind on the screen so I thought I’d post a lil bloggy blog today!

I’m a very “in my head” type person. I’m a deep thinker, always have been. I think about anything and everything and why and how things became the way they are and what they’ll be in the future and what they would be under different circumstances. I think about good, happy, amazing, warm, and fuzzy things and also horrible, sad, dark, heart shattering, bad things and how grateful I am for everything life has given me. I think about the things I’ve seen in my life and I think about the things I want to shield my son eyes and heart from. I think about the life I used to have and the life I have now and how different they are. I think of old hopes and dreams I once had and how naive I was regarding the things that I always thought I wanted. I think about what’s important, what is REALLY, TRULY important. I think of all the things I’d go back and change if I could, and then I think of the lessons I’ve learned due to those mistakes.

Life’s so funny.

Some days I feel like I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep for a thousand years and never get woken up and other days I beg and plead with the universe for extra time. Contrast. Life juxtaposed. I suppose you need it right? It’s like the saying goes, the sweet just ain’t as sweet without the sour.


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1. NEVER under-estimate an individual because they are on the spectrum. Some of the most intelligent, interesting, and most capable people I know have Autism. 

2. Don’t assume that people with autism are emotionless or uncaring if they don’t respond in a way you would expect others to respond. Often times people on the spectrum have a harder time displaying and sorting their feelings and emotions. Sometimes they see things so black and white that they may not see your side.

3. Do not judge someone’s behavior who has autism. Over-stimulation can cause their bodies to react and sensory issues often accompany ASD. Lights are much brighter, sounds are much louder, tastes and textures are much more intense. Even something as simple as being touched can hurt some people with autism if their sensory issues are off. It can be like an internal traffic jam of signals. Being helpful in these situations is much more useful than being judgmental.

4. Give people with autism the time to get their thoughts out, it can take a bit longer for individuals with asd to decipher and process information.

5. Don’t make comparisons. If you have met one person who has autism then you have met ONE person who has autism. Everybody is different.

6. Offering choices can be very helpful, but don’t give out too many choices, it can be overwhelming.

7. Routine is a very important part of most people’s lives who live with autism. If the daily routine gets messed up it can make things confusing or overwhelming. Be understanding.

8. People who have autism are VERY capable of love and CAN be close to their parents, friends, etc.. I actually had a doctor tell me that my son wouldn’t have a close relationship with me if he had autism. That is FALSE.

9. DON’T assume that people who have autism don’t understand you. Non-verbal or not, assuming makes an ass out of U and ME. 

10. RAISE THE BAR. Don’t hold someone back because they are on the spectrum and you think they can’t do something. Let them try.

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